Cullen Conversations 2
by SlightlyGayPirate
Summary: This is the remake of the original series of pathetic stories : this one is totally unrelated to the original just a similar concept. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: this is the spin off of Cullen Conversations. Just cuz that one was story lined. This is just a whole bunch of random crap I feel like writing (: so sit back and relax, and enjoy. **

Usernames you need to know:

Edward – SparkleSparkle

Bella – StupidLamp

Renesmee – WolfBaby

Jacob – PedophileMomma

Emmett – LetsFistFight

Alice – LittleSprite

Jasper – WarMemorial

Carlisle – WhatIsIM?

_SparkleSparkle, StupidLamp and WarMemorial have all signed in_

**SparkleSparkle: **Love, why is your name StupidLamp?

**StupidLamp:** Well I was trying to write StupidLamb but I wrote Lamp instead, so it just Stuck!

**WarMemorial:** Anyone seen Alice? I can't find her, and I'm getting worried.

**SparkleSparkle: **that explains the overwhelming feeling of worrying in the air

**WarMemorial:** sorry dude. Just last night I overheard her talking to Emmett

**StupidLamp: **about what…?

**WarMemorial:** something about a waffle iron, a jaffle maker, a moose and an igloo

**SparkleSparkle: **should we be worried?

_WolfBaby has signed on_

**WolfBaby: **Momma, Daddy, should I be worried about what Alice and Emmett are doing?

**WarMemorial:** where are they, Nessie?

**WolfBaby:** in the garage. I keep hearing Emmett cackling…

**WarMemorial: **Uh Oh…

_WarMemorial has logged off_

*screaming is heard in the background, followed by Emmett cackling and Alice laughing*

**WolfBaby: **Momma…?!

*screaming is heard from Renesmee then silence*

**SparkleSparkle: **Love, where has Nessie gone?

**StupidLamp: **I don't know. I'm kinda afraid to go look…

_LetsFistFight and LittleSprite have signed on_

**LetsFistFight: **we hold your baby hostage!

**LittleSprite: **give us $5000000000000000000 if you wish to see your child again!

**StupidLamp: **Alice, we know where you live

**LittleSprite: **SILENCE! You will never find her!

_LittleSprite and LetsFistFight have logged off_

**StupidLamp: **I'm all for finding the two idiots

_PedophileMomma has signed in_

**PedophileMomma:** Sup dudes?! Nessie! Hey can Ness come over?

**SparkleSparkle:** When you change your name and when I'm dead.

**PedophileMomma:** Sorry dude.

_PedophileMomma has logged off_

**SparkleSparkle: **I hate that child.

**StupidLamp: **Hon, Nessie loves him. You're going to have to get used to him.

**SparkleSparkle:** I don't care. She's not even 1 years old yet!

_WhatIsIM? Has signed in_

**WhatIsIM?:** why did Alice and Emmett take Jasper and Nessie into the basement?

**StupidLamp: **Thanks Carlisle. We were about to go find them!

*Bella is heard tiptoeing down the basement stairs only to give Alice and Emmett a fright when she kidnaps her daughter back shouting "you will never take my daughter alive!"*

**StupidLamp: **Sweety, say hello to your Grandpa.

**WolfBaby:** Hi Gramps!

**WhatIsIM?: **Hello dear. Esme is about to make dinner. Everyone off the computers and go set the table. EVERYONE.

_StupidLamp, SparkleSparkle, WolfBaby and WhatIsIM? Have logged off_

**A/N: Well there you have it. The first chapter of many (: I hope you enjoy! Review if you like! Also if you have some evil competition for me to try to achieve, kinda like what I do to AllApologies451994, then let me know in a review. Something random too like write a while chapter without using the letter q or write the chapter based around a cat attacking a moose. I will take on board anything you guys throw at me. Make sure you do have something that I have to do if I fail to achieve your challenge.**

**|--- Anyway click the little button just down there ---|**

**V V**


	2. The Crazy Unexplainable Hacking

_**A/N: I'm not dead! Haha, just been on major hiatus for like over a year? Well I'm back! I moved since my last update on any story, so I'm now residing in Canada! I've also been busy with school and lack of a social life. But anyway, I'd assume you're not interested in my dull life and would much rather wanna hear all about this next chapter! Enjoy!**_

_**Oh also! I might change the context of this story. I might story line this one too, or continue it as random drabbles. Let me know what you want me to do with this!**_

Usernames you need to know:

Edward – SparkleSparkle

Bella – StupidLamp

Renesmee – WolfBaby

Jacob – PedophileMomma

Emmett – LetsFistFight

Alice – LittleSprite

Jasper – WarMemorial

Carlisle – WhatIsIM?

Rosalie – PradaB*tch

Andrea – AllApologies451994

Emily – GrahamCrackuhz

Demi Lovato – MCDLove

Nick Jonas – MrPerfection

Joe Jonas – DJDanger

Kevin Jonas - MrAwesome

**LittleSprite, SparkleSparkle and WarMemorial are all online.**

**LittleSprite: **Jaaaasper! Come back to the bedroom! :o

**WarMemorial:** Come get me ;)

**SparkleSparkle: **Guys, ew. Would rather skip on the IM sex.

**LittleSprite: **Duly noted. Oh no… unwanted visitors -_-

**AllApologies451994, GrahamCrackuhz, MCDLove, MrPerfection, DJDanger and MrAwesome sign in.**

**AllApologies451994:** heh… you hacked us in!

**GrahamCrackuhz:** Of course. I AM the author.

**WarMemorial: **The who what now?

**GrahamCrackuhz: **Don't mind your pretty little head…

**MrAwesome: **Uh Emily? Who are they…?

**GrahamCrackuhz: **Uh no one. Just those people I was telling you about earlier.

**MrAwesome: **Oh them! Cool! Hi everyone :) I'm Kevin! But you can call me Mr Awesome

;)

**LittleSprite: **Excuse me, Emily? But me and Jasper were kind of in the middle of something… So if you could all… leave? That would be fantastic!

**GrahamCrackuhz:** Not a chance in hell would we leave just so you and Jasper can get it on.

**LittleSprite: **Oh really now? You really wanna do that to me?

**GrahamCrackuhz: **Don't test me woman. Keep fighting and I'll do something you wont suspect. Not even with your crazy futuristic sight.

**LittleSprite: **Shaving my head won't be solving anything.

**GrahamCrackuhz: **Well then. It's good you really don't know what I'm planning…

**SparkleSparkle: **Shes planning on burning your wardrobe, Alice.

**LittleSprite: **YOU WOULDN'T DARE!

**GrahamCrackuhz: **THANKS A LOT EDWEIRDO.

**SparkleSparkle: **Any time.

**WhatIsIM? Signed in.**

**WhatIsIM?: **Okay guys. Wheres Rosalie, Renesmee, Emmett and Bella? We need to have a serious talk.

**GrahamCrackuhz: **Carlisle, do they really require that discussion right now? You lot have company.

**MCDLove: **I don't think I could do with any more "serious talking" So please spare me…

**MrPerfection: **I'm gonna have to be with Demi on this one…

**WhatIsIM?: **Now now, there is never a bad time for this conversation.

**DJDanger: **Is there ever a good time?

**PradaB*tch, LetsFistFight, StupidLamp and WolfBaby sign in.**

**WolfBaby: **Grandpa, I think I'm too young for this talk…

**StupidLamp: **Carlisle, please don't make her listen… She's only a year and a half old.

**MCDLove: **Shes HOW OLD?

**StupidLamp: **A YEAR AND A HALF. 1.5 YEARS 18 MONTHS.

**MCDLove: **May I point out; I'm not the one with "stupid" in their screen name?

**StupidLamp: **No you may not.

**LetsFistFight: **Lets get this over with Daddaaaaaay

**WhatIsIM?: **Thank you Emmett for your enthusiasm. Well I need to inform you all of the birds and the bees.

**LetsFistFight: **OH I KNOW! THEY FLY AND HAVE WINGS AND MAKE NOISE!

**WhatIsIM?: **Um no Emmett. Not quite…

**LetsFistFight: **Oh. Well can we hurry this up? I need to get my Obaffles from the oven soon.

**LittleSprite: **Obaffles? Are you serious?

**PradaB*tch: **And you thought YOU were the one with the mentally deranged husband.

**LittleSprite: **Jasper isn't mentally deranged. Maybe a little off, but not deranged.

**WhatIsIM?:** ENOUGH! TIME FOR MY TALK! When a mommy and a daddy love each other veeeeery much they go to a special room together. When they get there, they take all their clothes off and the daddy takes his special car and parks it into the mommy's garage. Now he's not a very good driver of his special car and has a hard time parking it so he has to reverse quite a few times until all his passengers can get out of his car. Once his car has released his passengers, he leaves mommy's car. The passengers all fight to get into mommy's house first and the first one in locks all the others out. This is how a baby is made.

**WolfBaby:** I think I've been scarred for life….

_**WolfBaby has signed out.**_

**LetsFistFight: **OH NO! MY OBAFFLES!

**SparkleSparkle: **This can only end badly…

_-5 minutes later-_

**LetsFistFight: **HERE EVERYONE! HAVE SOME OBAFFLES AND MOUNTAIN DEW!

**MCDLove: **Is this family usually this insane?

**GrahamCrackuhz: **define usually. And define insane…

**LetsFistFight: **UH OH! I HAVE A MOUNTAIN DEW BUBBLE STUCK UP MY NOSE!

**SparkleSparkle: **I told you all this would end badly.

**MrPerfection: **Actually, you told us that this CAN only end badly. You never said it WOULD.

**SparkleSparkle: **stupid perfectionist…

**MrPerfection: **That's not very nice you know.

**SparkleSparkle: **Hey at least I'm married and have a child!

**MrPerfection: **At least I can be seen in public and not have to move every few years in case someone realizes I'm a vampire because I don't age.

**SparkleSparkle: **How do you know about us?

**AllApologies451994: **I told them. Thought I'd give them the inside scoop around this place.

**SparkleSparkle: **Traitor.

**DJDanger: **So LittleSprite… you got a man?

**LittleSprite: **Yeah. I do. He's reading what you're saying jerkface.

**WarMemorial: **Keep your paws of my honey. You ain't no Winnie The Pooh.

**DJDanger: **Well it looks like there are no single chicks here wanting me, so Imma blow this popsicle joint. SLATAH.

_**DJDanger has signed out.**_

**StupidLamp: **One creeper down, 5 to go…

**LittleSprite: **I know how they all go, too…

**MrAwesome: **Well I'm outie to go play golfie with the broski.

_**MrAwesome has signed out.**_

**StupidLamp: **Two down, Four to go…

**AllApologies451994: **Have fun getting rid of me and Em. We're here to staaaaay.

**GrahamCrackuhz:** Demi, you down for a sleepover? Me, you, Andrea all irritating these fooo's?

**MCDLove:** I'd LOVE to stay at yours for a sleepover, but I don't think irritating these guys would be a very fun sleepover activity.

**GrahamCrackuhz: ** So that's a YES to the sleepover? :D

**MCDLove: **Sure. I'll be there in like twenty minutes :)

_**MCDLove has signed out.**_

**StupidLamp: **20 minutes and these losers will be gone! HURRAH!

**MrPerfection: **Um. Emily? I kinda wanna ask you something…

**GrahamCrackuhz: **If you're going to ask me out on a date, this is the wrong fantasy to be asking it in.

**MrPerfection: **Oh. Okay… Well in another fantasy then… farewell sweet maiden…

_**MrPerfection has signed out.**_

**AllApologies451994: **I say me and you Em make like a tree and leave.

**GrahamCrackuhz: **I guess. Gotta prep for the sleepover. SLATER GUIESE!

_**AllApologies451994 and GrahamCrackuhz have signed out.**_

**StupidLamp: **well that was sufficiently weird and messed up. Just like this family I guess.

_**Everyone has been disconnected due to a large water animal sitting on the internet cables and destroying them.**_


End file.
